Every relationship has its own struggles, and being in a relationship with a widower presents its own set of challenges. My fiancé Sherman lost his wife after 15 years of marriage. She died at the young age of 41 to cancer and it was the most difficult thing he had ever been through. When I met him, I really didn’t understand how to act or what to say in the beginning of our relationship as I had not spent much time around widowers or for that matter ever dated a widower, but I was willing to try.
How We Met
I met Sherman in December of 2014 when I received a Facebook friend request on December 14, 2014. I was at my church Christmas banquet. I accepted his friend request because I knew him, but didn’t know him. I then received a message from him that read --- “Good evening Ms. Bender. I hope all is well with you this evening. I would love to have a conversation with you when the time permits. I hope you are as eager to speak to me as I am to you. If not I guess I will just have to wait patiently.”
I responded. When Sherman sent me the message, I knew he was a widower, so I thought he needed the CD with all the photographs from the family session, but that was not the case. When Sherman called me that night after I sent him my phone number, I remember him asking was I single. I told him yes and afterwards, I remember asking him if he remembered me and he then asked did I know him. I told him I didn’t know him, but I told him I was his family photographer in September of 2013. But he didn’t remember me immediately. With that being said, I initially met Sherman and his family in September of 2013. I remember first meeting up with the late wife, children, and maternal grandmother on that day [Sherman showed up close to sunset time] at the Railroad Park in Birmingham, Alabama for their family portraits and they were one of the sweetest most awesome families I’ve ever had the pleasure to photograph!
On December 17, 2014, Sherman and I met at BRIO Tuscan Grille and things went from there. On July 10, 2015, Sherman proposed and I said YES! I never would have thought in a million years that I would be with a widower and surely he never imagined his life would pan out like this; but we are proof that you simply cannot plan life, or choose who you fall in love with, or when. We are now engaged and are getting married in 2016 and we are very excited about our future together.
Tips and Advice for Dating a Widower
Accept their past, be patient with extended family and be aware that extended family members may struggle to accept you. Also, communicate about your feelings! Put God at the center of your relationship, pray about your feelings– being honest with God and your mate about how you feel. Your relationship can both thrive! A relationship with a widower is really just a relationship with an ordinary man!