Is a widow or widower still a widow or widower if they remarry? Relationship coach and relationship expert Abel Keogh has the answer.
Hi, it's Wednesday, and that means it's time for another video edition of Widower Wednesday.
I'm Abel Keogh, author of the book Dating a Widower. And today we're answering a question from a viewer who writes: “Abel, are widows and widowers still allowed to call themselves a widow or a widower after he or she remarries, or should they be calling themselves something else?”
Great question.
And the answer is is a widow or widower is a person who has lost a spouse to death and has not remarried. Once that person remarries, he or she is no longer a widow or a widower. They're a wife. They're a husband to their new spouse, to their new partner, and they shouldn't use the term widow or widower to describe themselves. Life is best living in the present and looking forward instead of looking backwards. And if you remarry, you need to embrace your new life and the new titles that come with that life.
If you're a widow or widower who remarries referring to yourself as a widow or widower after getting married, it's disrespecting your new spouse, it's disrespecting your life, and it's disrespecting your marriage. And it shows, I think, most importantly, that your outlook is on the past and what has happened behind you instead of on the present and the future and what is before you. And basically, you're focusing on what it is that you've lost instead of what it is that you've gained.
So, no, don't refer to yourself as a widow or widower.
By the way, if you're dating a widow or widower and they say after they marry, they still want to call themselves a widow or a widower, run for the hills. They're not ready to open your heart to you.
All right, if you want to share stories or have comments about this, feel free to leave them below. Like this video share go ahead and subscribe. If you want to talk to me in a coaching session, I have those available as well. There's a link down in the description below.
Enjoyed talking to you today, and I'll see you all next Wednesday.